My life and mind

When the necessity of focussing solely on the OU exam was past, it was back to life as usual for me. Job hunting, helping my Dad out at home and with grocery shop trips, time spent online and a couple of meet ups for coffee with my friend R when they could be fitted in around her home and job commitments.

I was sorting through paper based stuff in my room today. I had this idea that if I could find a place for my D318 course materials that meant they were not cluttering up my desk anymore, then it would properly symbolise that the course was completed. Sadly the course materials are still within my view ;)

It was a little therapeutic to chuck out (actually put aside for recycling) the exam and revision guide though.There were some discussion going on in the OU online forum about how people thought the exam had gone. I read a few replies then stopped, knowing I’d just compare my own approach and get insecure about it. I did share the apparent collective feeling of relief at the exam being over and the course complete. I joined in the lighter message threads about what we would be doing now it was over. Housework seemed to be a regular but not happy option.

Sun 14th Oct
I started my revision at 11:15 and have been doing some on and off since then, with a few breaks in between. On my last break I had a pain au chocolate and it seems to have given me noticeable stomach ache :(. The two antacid tablets I’ve just had might calm it down a bit-I hope so! As the days in the run up to the OU exam have arrived and then passed (as I explained to my closest friend R), I’ve been aware of the days slipping by and a slight but growing panic that the exam was getting closer and I still had lots of revision to do.

Mon 15th Oct
This weekend, and today I have been doing a form of revision technically known as 'cramming'-trying to revise everything necessary in a short space of time. Not advised but currently my only option. If I can just understand and memorise all it, I should be able to pass. Here's to hoping ;)

My main priority at this time, classed as even more important than job hunting was revision for my OU exam. After nine months of study, reading six textbooks and writing six essays, the date of the final exam for the course was rapidly approaching. My revision consisted mainly of me going back through particular key chapters in the textbooks and trying to cram some of the information they contained into my memory. As the majority of my course essay marks had been very good, I also read through my own essays as they gave the most simple presentation of some of the key points on the topics the course covered.

A helpful tutor had posted advice on the course’s online forum about the kind of areas we should be prepared to answer questions on to achieve a particular grade. I went for the ‘reasonable pass’ option and tried to adapt my reading revision to suit that.The reading of the textbook chapters took longer than I anticipated (surprise :-/) and as the date of the exam drew closer I could feel the pressure of knowing the exam was getting closer but I hadn’t done all the revision I wanted to, building.

I’m sure I've missed an appt at the Mental Health Facility in C--.

Fri 5th Oct
This was my ‘Task List’ for today:-

1.Put in Whites wash, then hang on line

2. Put in Towel wash

3a.Get bus to Kestrel:- b. Collect Prescription c. Buy KM Newspaper

4. Email CV to employment agency plus references addresses

5. Email Becky D/B to confirm party fireworks display for 3rd Nov

6. Do some OU revision

7. Check jobs in KM

8. Go to Spiritualist church

There were other smaller domestic things to do which I didn’t bother to list. Only a short time was spent doing OU revision, oops :S. I didn’t make it down to the Spiritualist church because I was feeling tired come the evening and getting the bus back from the church is a nightmare with the rubbish bus services that run in and around C--.

In the evening I went online for a few hours and was trying to catch up with some old msgs from one of the online groups I’m a member of. I intended to get fully caught up, but that might take longer than one evening as take a while as there are over 1000 messages. I had to give up at 23:39 because my eyes kept closing. I sent a final msg before logging off, explaining that “I've got to get up at 8am tomorrow so by 9am my dad and I can be on our way to the supermarket for the week's main grocery shop.” Who said weekends were for relaxing?!

The sky looked grey when I got up at 7:45, and by 10:15 it was raining. My first job of the day was to clean the kitchen floor, glamorous eh? Later on I phoned the Open University to check about the student I.D. needed for my exam next week. I was told my passport would be fine to show, even though it is out of date and that I should also bring my exam confirmation letter. That was a relief. There’s now no need to worry about my OUSA I.D. card arriving after Tues 16th Oct. The photo in my passport was taken when I was 18 but facially I don’t look that different ten years on. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. People tell me I look young for my age.

My face skin is slowly clearing up because I’ve tried to stop picking at it. The overdose of Dairymilk ice-creams last week and my period affecting my hormones means I still need some spot cream though :S. Having chucked out the last tube I had (because the plastic had started to flake off it), I needed to buy some more to replace it. Trying to be constructive I planned to get the bus up to the chemist (instead of getting drenched walking to the supermarket and back) so I could buy the cream and also pick up the balance of some tablets I’m owed by the pharmacy. I got to the bus-stop earlier than I needed to, so I was standing in the rain for fifteen minutes-cold and quite wet even with an umbrella.

The Co-Op had some of the week’s new magazines in, so I bought three, a low-fat but tasty chocolate milkshake and a bag of Cadbury’s ‘Shots’. Next errand: the chemist’s. Or not. The chemist was closed. It must have irregular opening hours. That meant I couldn’t do the most essential thing I went out for :S.

Back at home I decided to show my Dad the winter coat I bought on Sunday. He had thought before seeing it that I’d chosen some smart but lightweight jacket for job interviews rather than a proper coat. He approved of my choice calling it “sensible” and commenting on its good fit.

A little later I upped my energy level by drinking the milkshake and eating a ‘Drifter’ chocolate bar(while half-heartedly reading an August celebrity gossip magazine). Doing exam revision was considered briefly, but I went online instead. Oops. Must be stricter with myself about that!

OU Essay
For about ten days I was getting ‘brain strain’ working on the last Open University essay for the media and culture module I’ve been working through since Feb 07. I had to complete the reading before I could start writing the essay itself. My diary notes and anemail I sent to a friend on the 9th Sept might show my view on the situation at the time:-

DIARY:-
So as another Open University essay deadline gets closer, today I’ve started considering content ideas for the essay or ‘Tutor Marked Assignment’ (in OU speak). With the other TMA's I've usually received an email from my tutor (Dr F--) containing typed notes on what could be included in the essay or possible approaches to take to the question. I've checked my inbox today and there’s nothing new in it. I'll be able to put something together for TMA06 regardless, but cannot promise it'll be very good ;)

I am far behind with the reading so have worked out what might be most essential. I don't recommend such short cuts, but if all else fails....This is the last TMA for this course. I am not going to lose my sanity over one essay that may get a lower mark than the others. I'll keep telling myself that, but post OU mind rehab is an option right? :)

That ^^^ being flippantly said, I should keep in mind the comment I made in a msg to other people on the OU online forum: “You are so close to finishing the course, don't give up now”.

EMAIL:-
”Today I'm trying to plan an OU essay I've only dome approx half the reading for (I did lots of cramming yesterday). The question is quite chapter specific which makes it more bearable but there are sections of reading that I really still need to do but don't have time for. I'll do my best anyway. Deadline is tomorrow so I'll take it to G-- as usual. So my OU course is going well ;). Exam next, I need to make lots of notes to then revise from. Its sometime in October (in a shed, in a field somewhere in A-- I believe, as we previously discussed). So, hope your OU course is going more steadily than mine.

I may have to break off later to buy chocolate. If I'm really desperate for something else to do, there’s a huge pile of washing up that needs to be done before Peter and Dad get back. The joys of domesticity eh?!

Right, I best get back to it. Any positive mental vibes appreciated :)”

10th Sept
This afternoon in my OU mailbox there was an email from another student doing the same course as me. She said she had received essay notes for the final TMA from our tutor last week, so mine must “have gone missing in cyber-space”. Very helpfully she had attached a copy of the tutor’s notes for students to her email. Of course I replied with a friendly “Thank you” email straight away. As I remarked (in response to her email) the notes have not arrived "too late" and will definitely help me focus my essay content more precisely.

A blog entry I wrote on later in the day on ‘Myspace’ showed that while I was trying to work, I took a few unnecessary breaks and browsed online in short time slots:-
“I have an essay to write, what a surprise since I'm back blogging on 'Myspace' without a survey in sight.

Its the last essay of my current Open University course. 1800 words on the effect of governmental regulation on cultural diversity, to be completed for submission tomorrow afternoon. It will be done .The relevant sentences will be typed and slowly but surely accumulate to form the complete essay. I'm just not enjoying getting to that point very much.

So "Myspace' seems to have become rather quite of late in terms of my friends on here. Two of them have deleted their profiles for personal reasons, while the others have bug*ered off to ‘Facebook’. In fairness to them, that's where I'd spend more time if my computer could load the site without freezing up. On ‘Facebook’ I could post this blog as a 'Note' and at least one of 12 people could tell me a) "You should have started the essay earlier", b) "Good luck" c) "Get offline and do some work" or all three comments.

I'm thinking to myself option 'C', so see ya later!”

The essay was eventually finished on the day of the deadline (10th Sept) and I made the train journey to deliver it to my OU tutor’s house in G--.

Sept-D318 Revision Strategies
I'm starting my revision today. My first step will be to refresh my memory on the Sony Walkman book (book 1) making notes on key areas as I go through it.I'll definitely be doing Production and Consumption and not doing the Identity book (although I will re-read the Introduction to it).Both Representation and Regulation seem important. The Representation book is huge. Joining in the revision strategies debate on the OU’s course forum, I questioned “How is it possible to do enough revision for a reasonable grade two pass?” A grade two pass is equivalent to a 2.1 but their grade parameters seem higher than those of normal universities where achieving 60% or above would usually result in a 2.1 classification.

Car Trouble
A problem with my family’s car cropped up in September. My brother had the car so he could drive to and from work. The car actually broke down near where he works in O--, which is a commuter length train journey’s distance away from where my family lives. There was lots of traveling to and from O-- for my Dad who was adamant he would fix it, rather than letting a local garage do (in his professionally valid opinion) a half-ar**d job. Where the car was parked did not leave Dad with easy access to the parts of the car he needed to reach, and frankly at 72 years old with noticeable Emphysema (employment related-he has NEVER smoked), he is too old and unwell to be doing that sort of job.

It took a while to determine the cause of the initial trouble, then other, related problems occurred. To add to the sense of pressure, the car was due for its M.O.T. a few weeks after the trouble started. My Dad and Brother were out of the house for more hours during this period, but even on the days when he was at home, there was lots of tension in the house as my Dad was tired, pissed off, feeling unwell and perhaps understandably short tempered. There were certainly some days in September where I felt like I couldn’t say or do a thing right, even when I was trying to be helpful!

Job Seeking
My job seeking continued on in its normal fashion. I attended a couple of interviews for admin and Receptionist jobs, including one I really wanted once I’d been up to London for the interview, but I was not offered either job :-(.

The month got off to an unfortunate start on the domestic front when our old vacuum cleaner caught fire. I was in the Lounge while my Dad was vacuuming in the hall. I could hear him swearing, but thought he was just annoyed at bits of woodshavings or leaves sticking to the carpet. He suddenly shouted a little louder to me, so I responded and he told me to open the front door. I could smell smoke and he told me (very obviously pissed off )that some straw in the pipe must have caught alight when some sparks flew.

Fortunately there was no serious damage to either my Dad or the house, but the Hall smelt smoky for a few hours afterwards. My brother and I have taken that incident as an indication a new vacuum cleaner is required (after 20 years), but our Dad has declared there is nothing wrong with the old one and it can still be used. Why is the replacement of old domestic appliances such a problem?! Arrghhh…..

I told my friend D that I’d be free on the 22nd of Sept for the shopping trip he wants to go on.

Mon 27th Aug
Today is the end of August Bank Holiday in the UK, so most people get the day off work. This means my dad and brother are at home. Earlier in the day there was some car fixing activity going on. Someone (maybe with a builders van) knocked into my brother’s Audi hard enough to knock the bumper and the trim around the back corners of the car in about two inches. Our Dad is working on straightening out the bumper. Peter is trying to help but they have different attitudes to getting the job done. Our dad is perfectionist whereas Peter just wants to get the job done as easily and quickly as possible. Things seemed especially tense earlier, so I was just trying to stay out of the way by tidying up little things in my bedroom.

Wed 29th Aug
Time: I don't know if I’m "obsessed" with time but it’s definitely something I think about every day. Before I do things, I mentally work out how long they should take me and what I need to do next and how long that might take, even down to the smallest things. E.g. every morning there's a variation of:-

"Half an hour for a bath and hairwash, ten minutes for combing through and face cleansing, five minutes to get my stuff together and I should have left the house by {INSERT TIME HERE} so I can get the {TIME} bus (which will get me to where ever at {TIME}).

Thurs 30th Aug
Notable because this date was my brother Peter’s 35th birthday. Peter had booked the day off work. If my memory of the day is correct; Peter, me and our Dad went out in the car to the designer retail outlet at A-- where he likes to regularly check their newest trainers and tracksuit top sports gear stock.

We came home later in the afternoon and relaxed for an hour or so before getting ready to go out for a meal to celebrate Peter’s birthday. The birthday boy chose a large steak meal which he enjoyed. I opted for some seasoned char-grilled chicken breast accompanied with chips.

Same tasks at work as last week. I frequently enquired about the possibility of staying there longer to work but it was last thing Thursday afternoon before I got a definitive answer. Z-- was very pleasant about it, emphasising that she’d found it very helpful to have me working in the office but ultimately there were some candidates that had responded to their advert for a permanent job that were favoured by the manager in charge of recruiting.